Little bean

I am sitting here with 1.5 hands typing (1.5 because my sleeping daughter is resting on my left arm leaving me with less movement than normal), watching my husband uninstall our defunct dishwasher - he knows how to do these things - if he doesn't know how to do them, he watches YouTube. He is one gifted man - he has figured out how to rig our infant swing to wall power so that we don't have to use batteries. Take that Fisher Price.

I haven't blogged in a long time - and when I did it used to be about a dog. She has moved on to a better place. Matt being the joker he is told our dog-loving friends that we put her to sleep, but she really just is now living with my in-laws, where she is taken care of extremely well and loved probably more than she deserves.

And now, I will blog about the little person in my arms and what she has meant to us. About what we are learning, about what marriage is like now with her here, and maybe even about what happens when she and Tiki get together. And when Tiki eventually licks her full on in the face which is bound to happen sooner or later but my germ-hating self is hoping can be delayed for as long as possible.

I don't know how frequent my posts will be - seems like friends I have with little ones didn't necessarily get to blog often those first few months. I also don't know if what I say will make sense, or if I will make up words or spell them correctly.... I wish I had a really cool template and lots of pictures up, but that will have to wait for awhile. Because I am learning that my sweet little person being here means I get to adjust my expectations and that certain things aren't as important.

I really want to remember what she and I have spent a lot of time doing these last few months. I write this so that I will remember and be able to tell her, because I am unfortunately forgetting a lot these days, with less sleep and so forth.... but things are already changing, and she is getting bigger, and I will have to start putting her down for her naps before too long. For now, I can sit here and hold her. It's what I've done the last twelve weeks - held her. And prayed. For the little guy who was born a day after Ruby and is getting stronger each day in the NICU - up to 4lbs 9 oz I think now. I've thought of him a lot while I sit here with her. For friends who are seeing their adoption "fail" and continuing to pray for a miracle for them. For my mom who finished her chemo and radiation treatments and for my brother who moved back home to help her. I am so proud of him it hurts.... I don't want to forget what this precious time has been like.

As is true of many things these days, I will end there, with incomplete thoughts because my little bean has woke up, and is ready for my attention. Glad to be back writing.

Sick day

Stayed home from work today because pregnancy + stomach virus = no fun. We got Tiki partially because we thought she might be good company, in such as a situation as today. I'm not saying she's not.... but Tiki is really more of a taker than a giver. And as I reread a previous post from a long time ago, I think that she may in fact be preparing us for kids.

As she prepares us, we continue to try to prepare her - successfully or in vain, we will find out. We bought a baby doll to "test" our dog out, by trying to set the doll on the couch or on the floor to teach Tiki about boundaries (the doll is now sitting on a shelf where she has been neglected for awhile). We found a jogging stroller at a garage sale, and in my belly-beginning-to-show state, I took Tiki and the stroller on a walk to see how she would do walking with something else. I am sure the neighbors might be wondering why I am pushing an empty stroller while encouraging Tiki that she is a "good dog." We even have a plan for where Tiki will spend the night when baby Totsch comes, as Matt's parents have graciously offered to puppy-sit.

For all of our efforts at preparation though, I can't help but wonder..... when we were setting our garage sale finds on the floor, Tiki tried to sneak off with the baby backpack carrier in her mouth to slobber on and chew and whatever else she does (and will I ever learn the terms for all of these baby things?) Is my vision of Tiki peacefully laying at my feet while I rock the baby just wishful thinking? I also have visions of Tiki knocking over our baby during his or her first efforts at walking, or Tiki taking our child's Goldfish snacks out of their hands (I know that "they" is not grammatically correct, but saying "his" or "her" each time gets old after awhile). I don't think this is inspiring confidence in my friends who have little ones to bring their precious charges over to our house - hence why Tiki is relegated to the backyard/back bedroom when friends are over.

And perhaps the ultimate question will be that back bedroom, a.k.a the soon-to-be baby room. The room that Tiki currently goes in and out of to be let outside to the backyard. The door she stands outside "crying" to be let in or out depending on where she is and where we are and where the squirrels and bunnies are. Tiki's holding pen when we need to put her somewhere as in my previous example. The place we put Tiki to dry off after a bath in the winter when it's too cold to put her outside. Slowly starting to be filled with baby things. Surely she can learn, right?

Winter

I've included pictures of Tiki's first Christmas with us - many good times. At least for us. Tiki baking cookies. Tiki opening presents. Tiki's first snow with us. Tiki and Santa.

I have also included pictures of our dog's latest escapade. Actually we don't know what happened - one day, a bald spot just appeared on Tiki's back. How it got there, we don't know - did she burn it off by laying too close to the space heater? Did she get caught trying to sneak under the fence? Is she stressed, and her hair is falling out? No idea. Your suggestions are welcome.

Stole the biscuit.....

(For any Eddie Izzard fans out there, you will appreciate my husband's frequent comment to our dog recently..... "Bad dog.... stole a biscuit.")

For awhile now, I have declined any opportunities to watch the movie "Marley and me" because I have heard Matt's brother state that he saw women leaving the movie theater after watching that movie weeping, with mascara running down their faces. Last night, Matt and I sat down to watch "Marley and me." No tears. But an extraordinary thing happened at the Totsch house last night. The movie ended, and we were feeling warm and good inside, looking fondly at our dog Tiki. And Matt said to her, "Come here," and in an unprecedented event, Tiki was allowed to climb up onto the couch and curl up on our laps (Mostly mine, which is why she did not stay up there very long, as 45 lbs of dog is still 45 lbs - I felt like Michael in the latest episode of the Office). I went to sleep thinking, "We actually have a pretty good dog."

And woke up to the reality of our dog throwing up twice during the night. When we have let her in the backyard recently, we have a hard time getting her back inside, despite the cold temperatures. There must be something out there that she considers edible. Oh well - probably no more time up on the couch with us for awhile. Tiki, you were so close.....

Space heaters

Apparently I am not the only one in our house who loves the space heater. At first I worried that Tiki would burn herself by laying too close to the space heater (further proof in my mind of her limited brain capacity). However reason tells me that if she were getting too hot, she would move.

Thinking about it further, maybe we have a dog who is not afraid of fires - after all, didn't she almost knock the burning candle on our guests? It makes me like Tiki more that she likes the space heater, our dog who is afraid of bushes and ducks and little kids' toy push mowers.


I consider her love of the space heater as proof that she is too cold in her crate in the basement, and therefore needs lots of blankets down there with her to keep her warm. Matt reminds me that she already has lots of blankets down there to keep her warm, and that she is a dog. This seems to be a theme around here - I attribute our dog with having many feelings and thoughts and emotions that Matt reminds me are probably not necessarily true, as she is a dog.

Moving coffee table

Since we got Tiki, Matt Totsch has unsuccessfully attempted to teach our dog that she can also be used as a coffee table. For your enjoyment.....

Hugs for Tiki

Tonight I thought, I have never given my dog a hug. When I tried to hug her, she hit me in the cheekbone with her head, and I will probably have a bruise there tomorrow.