I have some shout outs today.
Thank you, Jami Nato, for the wonderful pictures of our family including the ones you see here today. www.thenatos.blogspot.com
Above is a picture of one of Matt's favorite things to do with Ruby; we call it "helicoptering." I'm not sure who loves it more, Matt or Ruby. And when I see him do this, or give her a bottle, or cuddle her close even though he is not a cuddler by nature, or think back to when she was first born and we were in the hospital, and he was so proud of her, and happy, and would sing the chorus to "Ruby Soho" to her over and over (thank you, Rancid, for giving my husband a song he could sing unashamedly to his daughter)..... I am reminded of something Marilynne Robinson wrote in her book, Gilead. I can't find the exact quote right now, and the character who spoke it was a man, so hence the paraphrasing to fit my need for words:
I never thought I'd see a [husband] of mine doting on a child of mine.
Thank you, Marilynne Robinson, for putting into words what I feel on a daily basis.
I have been enjoying looking back at old journals lately, when I am about to fall asleep at night. (After all, there was a time in my life when there was no such thing as blogging or even e-mail, and we used to write things down with pen and paper. Can't wait to tell Ruby someday that I used to sit in computer class in middle school and make a little "turtle" move around on the screen. Anyone else remember that?) The journal I am reading right now is from when Matt and I first started dating. I remember not being sure what to think of Matt. By this, I mean - nobody had ever wanted to get to know me the way he did. Nobody had ever treated me as well as he did. Nobody had ever looked to put my best interests first like he did. And I remember being afraid to trust Matt and his interest in me because no one had ever proven trustworthy before. And we have laughed reading about and remembering how I still wasn't totally sure we were actually dating, not realizing that Matt was already starting to consider marriage. I had trouble enjoying my relationship with him at first because I was so afraid of being hurt again.
Not that my husband is perfect, or our relationship has been perfect; not that I was treated very terribly before Matt - forgive me if my simple comparison makes an experience of another seem more painful. But the way Matt came into my life compared to any experience with dating before that can best be explained by my daughter's Bible....
I need to go back first and tell you about this Bible -
A present from our friend Kelsey at one of our baby showers. (That is not my hand - and a shout out to Courtney Perkins, for more wonderful pictures). I like to read this book to Ruby, and I cry sometimes because the way it shares the story of Jesus is beautiful. While I was reading the story in this Bible about the book of Revelation to my daughter (pretty crazy that a children's bible would tackle such stuff; also note that I read it to her more for my enjoyment at this point than hers), I read a statement that again helped me put into words what I think at times. The context is a man named John, a friend of Jesus, writing about the future, a dream that he believed, and I believe will one day come true -And [John] knew, in some mysterious way that would be hard to explain, that everything was going to be more wonderful for once having been so sad.
And I started crying because I have seen this to be true in my life. My relationship with Matt is more wonderful because there were times before I met him when I was extremely sad and did not believe anyone would ever love me well.
And I even go on to believe that not only is this statement true in this example, but that it will be true in each of our individual experiences of sadness, as horrible as some of them may have been, but also on a universal, history of the world level. I wanted to share these things for some reason because it is easy to forget how special a husband is at times when a sternum has healed, and no major catastrophes are looming. It is also easy to forget when that sternum had not yet healed, and there do seem to be major catastrophes that things are" going to be more wonderful for having been so sad". And there are areas of life where we are waiting still to see this become true.
Thank you, Jesus Storybook Bible, for showing me a little more truth to turn to - to be thankful for what God has done in my life so far, and to by His grace, turn to whenever sadness seems more present than hope.
