So I mentioned.....

I had a silent chuckle just now as I realized that the titles of my posts tend more often than not to have points of ellipses in them. I love points of ellipses - you don't have to finish a complete thought. A period at the end of a sentence is a commitment, but points of ellipses leave room for you to change your mind. Matt has been helping me learn to finish my sentences, and I love him for that.

Being home with Ruby usually leaves me lots of time to think - an opportunity and a pit if I am not careful. I mentioned in an earlier post that I am working on NOT getting worked up. I believe when Jesus said to cast all our anxieties on him, that he meant ALL of them, not just some of them.

I always loved where Jesus said that he came to bring us life to the full. Worry is said to be something that can choke out what God is doing in and around us, how he is working. She is snoring right now, a little bean snore, and I love it. And right now, she is in a phase where she really likes to hold on to our hands while she is with us. Lord, may you give the grace so that we do not miss what you are doing.

My daughter, the strong one....

Ruby likes to stand. It is something I credit Matt with teaching her to love - he cheers her on so enthusiastically when she does it, and she gets this big smile on her face..... so proud of herself.

We spent part of the weekend hanging out at Matt's parents' house with his extended family. I walked in to the family room to see what was going on - and there was my small daughter standing on my husband's lap, with both arms fully extended up in the air, looking like she was cheering on the players in the NFL game that they were watching on TV. It delighted me. Not the NFL game, but to see her looking so victorious and happy. It's like she's saying, "I can DO it. I am small, but I am so strong. Don't tell me I can't."

I am going to need to remember that - in fact I need to start learning it even now. Because she is going to come in some day and ask to bounce on the trampoline, or ride her bike to her friend's house, or fly to Europe, or move to another country, and I am not going to want to let her. I fear that I will tell her something that is untrue, that she is too little, or it's too far, or anything other than the truth that I will be the one that is scared.

When I was about 7 months pregnant with Ruby, we realized that the way my belly was measuring was probably going to mean a small baby. Our friend Chris said at one point that this little one might be small in stature, but could be mighty in spirit. Ruby, don't let me tell you otherwise.

Give your entire attention.....

A friend shared this on facebook this morning - "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow." (Matt. 6:34 MSG)

I don't know that I give my entire attention to much of anything - I am not sure I know how to anymore. I want to learn this skill so much - to be able when with my daughter to give her my whole attention, not distracted by wanting to check text messages or what I want to post about....

The "don't get worked up" part of that initial statement is a different matter. That one I have been working on for awhile. Another friend suggested that we think about things that to us seem impossible, and begin to ask God to do that very thing.... To me, not getting worked up would fall in this camp.

Giving my entire attention. Not getting worked up. Looking forward to learning these things.

Little bean

I am sitting here with 1.5 hands typing (1.5 because my sleeping daughter is resting on my left arm leaving me with less movement than normal), watching my husband uninstall our defunct dishwasher - he knows how to do these things - if he doesn't know how to do them, he watches YouTube. He is one gifted man - he has figured out how to rig our infant swing to wall power so that we don't have to use batteries. Take that Fisher Price.

I haven't blogged in a long time - and when I did it used to be about a dog. She has moved on to a better place. Matt being the joker he is told our dog-loving friends that we put her to sleep, but she really just is now living with my in-laws, where she is taken care of extremely well and loved probably more than she deserves.

And now, I will blog about the little person in my arms and what she has meant to us. About what we are learning, about what marriage is like now with her here, and maybe even about what happens when she and Tiki get together. And when Tiki eventually licks her full on in the face which is bound to happen sooner or later but my germ-hating self is hoping can be delayed for as long as possible.

I don't know how frequent my posts will be - seems like friends I have with little ones didn't necessarily get to blog often those first few months. I also don't know if what I say will make sense, or if I will make up words or spell them correctly.... I wish I had a really cool template and lots of pictures up, but that will have to wait for awhile. Because I am learning that my sweet little person being here means I get to adjust my expectations and that certain things aren't as important.

I really want to remember what she and I have spent a lot of time doing these last few months. I write this so that I will remember and be able to tell her, because I am unfortunately forgetting a lot these days, with less sleep and so forth.... but things are already changing, and she is getting bigger, and I will have to start putting her down for her naps before too long. For now, I can sit here and hold her. It's what I've done the last twelve weeks - held her. And prayed. For the little guy who was born a day after Ruby and is getting stronger each day in the NICU - up to 4lbs 9 oz I think now. I've thought of him a lot while I sit here with her. For friends who are seeing their adoption "fail" and continuing to pray for a miracle for them. For my mom who finished her chemo and radiation treatments and for my brother who moved back home to help her. I am so proud of him it hurts.... I don't want to forget what this precious time has been like.

As is true of many things these days, I will end there, with incomplete thoughts because my little bean has woke up, and is ready for my attention. Glad to be back writing.