Empty buildings

I have felt this way for awhile - I don't like empty buildings. I told Matt they make me sad. What I mean is that when I see a row of stores at Prairie Village sitting empty, or the former Wild Oats store on Johnson drive, or a half-filled strip mall out south, while a new one is being built 50 feet away (sorry construction industry), I get sad. I wish we could use what we already have.

I have been hearing good news of friends who are thinking about or even preparing to move down to Kansas City, KS. To homes and streets that need to be filled. I have a few thoughts that go along with this -

1. It makes sense. I love that about God, that He makes sense - that is one of the things that first deepened my desire to know God. Not that He always makes sense, but to me, if He cares for the fatherless and the refugee and the broken, then He would care for Kansas City, KS. And He would want His people to care as well. The church community that we are a part of has clung to a passage in Isaiah 61 as a guide for who Christ is and what He wants to do - that He wants to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom and release from darkness..... to go on with those verses, those very same people who are broken and captive and prisoners (meaning us in our ongoing need to have Jesus carrying out His mission in our own hearts) - we become "oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of HIS splendor.... to rebuild the "places long devastated," .... to become "restorers of streets with dwellings." Wow. And our hope and belief is that when He plants us, by His power and His Spirit, He will in turn help others to learn these things about Him.

2. It is humbling to write it here, but I have seen my pride rear itself as I hear stories of people moving. Because it is something Matt and I have considered. And unfortunately, as my friend Kelsey and I have discussed, I have (as do most of us?) this desire to do "something different, something unique" - not to go along with the crowd. Is this part of our generation? It sounds silly but I admit that I have even felt this way as I have heard that the name "Ruby" is not as unique these days as Matt and I thought it would be. But did we really pick it to be different? Or did we pick it because it is a beautiful name for our beautiful daughter? So when I hear of other friends moving to KCK, I confess that I think about what if we were to move there (IF) and people would think we were just following the crowd? So it seems there is some work to be done in my heart:)

3. Which leads me to my last observation - which should probably be my first. All I can say for sure right now is that Matt and I have been feeling like we need to start getting our house ready in case we want to sell it at some point. To my planning, control-loving self, this feels very safe - I can explain to myself that home improvement can take as long as we want, that this may go on for years (probably not, but I'm just trying to make small steps here). We put in new windows that actually open which has been really nice (our former ones didn't). We hope to paint the outside soon - it will be sad to be rid of the orange door of course. We don't know where or when we will move. But we want to be ready. Actually one of us does know where he wants to move - the other one needs some convincing from the Lord. But you might just point me back to my own post today. And the fact that I don't like empty buildings. And my husband loves home improvement projects. And we want to follow God where He is leading us, in His timing.

Newark airport

Matt and Ruby and I got to go visit my mom in New Jersey this past week to celebrate her birthday. Through some weather related events, we got to spend a significant amount of time in the Newark airport on Saturday and Sunday. At one point, we were just hanging out in the food court, passing time, and watching it rain outside. It was pretty fun to sit there the three of us hanging out, with the airplanes going and coming, and being able to just enjoy waiting.

While we were sitting there, a girl who works in this food court sat down to take her lunch break. She looked over at us several times and smiled (I was holding Ruby at this point while she slept and while Matt was off exploring). She commented on the cuteness of our baby. Sometimes I get really shy when strangers start talking to me, especially if it's about Ruby. For some reason though, I wanted to talk with her because she was sitting all by herself eating her lunch. I hate seeing people all by themselves eating (although sometimes they want to be). But in this case, she seemed like she would enjoy just having someone to pass the time with.

We talked about a lot in the space of ten minutes. I learned that she moved from Morocco about four months ago. That she works a 2-10pm shift most days of the week, while her husband works a 5am-2pm shift. That she is paying a crazy amount of money in rent every month because that's what happens in New Jersey. That she wants to go to school for nursing, but is not sure how to manage classes plus working full time.

Then I started learning some more as I feel like she opened up more. She told me how she had met her husband; it was a few days before their wedding that they met, and from my limited understanding it sounded like their fathers had coordinated this. She almost seemed apologetic or even ashamed about this, and I felt so much compassion and almost ashamed in return that she could feel judged by me about her decision. Not to make any kind of statement to stir controversy, or to downplay a woman's rights, or any of that - but I wanted to tell her that I thought it was pretty amazing how she honored her family's customs. That I believe that in marriage, there must at some point be a decision made to love (a book by Gary Smalley by that title really has shaped my thinking about this), and that I believe that seems pretty cool that she and her husband were agreeing to do that from the start. I don't know why, but this conversation has just come back over and over in my mind. To wonder how she thought I perceived her decisions in this area and if she has faced judgment from others regarding her story.

And the other part of our conversation that I cannot let go of is when she asked me - "Is it this hard for everyone?" I think meaning, this living, working, trying to make ends meet, trying to get to know others, trying to figure out life here in the United States - "is it this hard for everyone?" I didn't know what to say. I said I think that for many people it is not easy. But I didn't know what else to say. And her lunch break ended, and I didn't think to ask for her email, or to tell her that I would pray for her. I unfortunately cannot remember how to spell or say her name. But I want to pray for her. Through involvement at Mission Adelante in the last year, my heart has been stirred for people who have moved to our country and now is even more drawn to pray for this girl and her husband learning to live in New Jersey without family nearby or much of a support network. I want to tell you guys about her, and write about our conversation because I don't want to forget about it. I don't want to forget to pray. I am not sure exactly what to pray even. I hope it's OK to tell her story here - I hope that she would not mind it as I think I walked away impacted far more than she may ever have guessed. May the Lord direct our hearts into his love and Christ's perseverance.

Six months and spring.....

Ruby will be six months old on Thursday. What? I almost started tearing up earlier thinking about the day she was born, after learning of my friend Jennifer's new baby girl Rachel Anne who arrived on Friday (which also made cry). Reminded me how amazing to hear the doctor say "It's a girl." How awesome it was to hold my baby for the first time.

Since I've last posted, I have no idea where time has gone, not sure I can remember what we've been up to, let alone recount it here. I am able to say that I completed my own physical therapy last week and am thankful for the experience and thankful to be done:) To think that I make elderly people exercise like that..... makes me feel even wimpier than I already did. But I also know how they feel now that I feel like I am stronger, and can carry my daughter in her car seat ( a major goal post-accident). Today was my first attempt at doing errands with Ruby again. Thankful for the kind Hen House employee who helped us to the car with our groceries (so I can make this! http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/main-courses/chicken-souvlaki-pita-with-tzatziki/?print=1#) super excited to try it - a good friend also recently posted a tzatziki recipe on her blog - maybe it's time to be adventurous?). I just need to ask that there be no judging that I shopped at Hen House today - I didn't like doing it necessarily, but it felt manageable, and some days that is what I need. I wanted to shop somewhere more diverse, more reasonable price-wise, but some days Prairie Village Hen House can be a blessing.

I also had an encounter with the well-meaning voting volunteer lady who told me to just plop that car seat up on the table in front of her where she would watch my daughter for me while I voted. I did so, and stood about ten feet away attempting to focus on voting, while really thinking to myself, "I just left my daughter with a stranger"; it doesn't matter that this is Fairway, KS, and the volunteer looks like someone's sweet grandma, and Ruby was 10 feet away. I then proceeded to speed through voting in order to go rescue my daughter, and I am not really sure I voted for who I meant to vote for - but at least I attempted! I give myself a pat on the back for making the effort.

The cheeks are still here. Ruby, some day are you going to hate that your daddy and I loved your cheeks so much? Because they are one of my favorite things about you. I just have to share. I used to hate when my parents would talk about my enormous baby cheeks - I can understand both sides now.